Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Inducing my best into eternity

Each of us carry both the best and the worst traits of our primary care givers, be it your mom, dad, nanny, granny, etc. This is what we can easily give to our children. We tend to transfer both good and bad habits to our kids. These habits can easily outlive us. We do this either consciously or unconsciously. Consciousness does not guarantee change. It does, however, tend to inspire change.

We carry some of the best (and worst) inherited ideas and attitudes towards life, gifts that can easily be passed on to the next link in our chain of eternity. Thus the opportunity is there for you and me consciously transfer our best to our children, to teach them the kind of stuff that you cannot learn from a training course. The kind of stuff that gives you the edge. The kind of stuff that would make the world a better place.

Naturally, it would also help to stop the bad stuff with you, i.e. work at transmuting the bad habits into wholesome ones and ... you will have given the next link in the chain another gift, something special. Think about it? Think about what this could mean to you and the rest of your chain?
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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Copy Cat

My wife and I were having a conversation earlier today and we both noticed how our two year old son would speak while we were speaking. He can currently construct basic sentences but in that moment he was copying us. He even copied my hand gestures. This got me thinking about parents as role-models. However we choose to be in the presence of our kids is how they will aspire to be. This is how we become the benchmark for our kids. This is how I am able to be both the best and worst of my childhood care-givers.

We had guests for the holidays. They stayed with us for 3 weeks. They included a 4 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. My son, the two year old mentioned above, was a walking mirror. He copied all their good habits as well as their bad ones. My son has been in boot camp since our guests left. Hopefully we can regain some of the discipline he entered the holidays with :-).
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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Life Lessons

These are some of the insights I've gained in my two years of experience as a dad. Please feel free to share your's with me as I intend to compile a comprehensive list of these insights one day in the not so distant future. Here goes ...

  1. Believe in yourself. Know that you are capable of anything.
  2. Your career does not define you. It is merely one aspect of your many sides.
  3. Know that there are consequences to your actions but don’t let this knowledge scare you into a mediocre life.
  4. Experiment! It is through experimentation that you will grow and thrive. Mistakes = experimentation. It’s OK.
  5. Be honest with yourself. Then be honest with others.
  6. Be true to your nature.
  7. Respect your fellow human beings.
  8. Tell those you love that you love them.
  9. Say “no” instead of doing things with resentment. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It will create distance and it will poison your relationships.
  10. Don’t be afraid to admit when you have made a mistake. Apologise. This build’s character.
    Things will not always go your way. It is not the hand that you’ve been dealt. It’s what you choose to do with this hand.
  11. Healthy relationships require effort from both parties.
  12. You may not always agree with me and you may sometimes think that I am an asshole. Know that whatever I do I do because I love you. I am doing my best and expect you to outgrow me. My best will probably not measure up to yours.
  13. Be kind to your elders. You may not always agree with their opinions but they do have wisdom to share with you.
  14. When people give you advice then take away that which makes sense to you and discard that which you do not agree with.
  15. Arguments and conflict are not necessarily bad things. It could be viewed as an opportunity to grow and strengthen relationships.
  16. Facing this world will often require you to be courageous. Having courage is not living without fear. Instead, it is blazing your trail in the presence of your fear.
  17. It really helps to see the glass half full as opposed to half empty.
  18. Make time for reflection. I do not do this enough. Book some “me time” in your diary. Consider this a space for you to be with yourself, selfish time. It will rejuvenate you.
    Listen to your heart. Your mind is a great analytical/planning tool meant to achieve your heart’s desires. You are so much more than your thoughts.
  19. Be wary of your mind. Without your heart it can make your life hell on earth. It did mine.
  20. Don’t be too caught up in the past or the future. Make an effort, instead, to be present in the “now”. This is difficult or, at least, it is difficult for me. Being in the now will bring clarity to your situation and will make decision-making easier.
  21. You may think that it’s important to know what will happen next and that planning is very important. It is very important but remember that a plan is just a plan. There are no guarantees.
  22. Don’t let others tell you how to live your life. I am sure that, by now, you mom and I have done so too many a time. Living for others means giving your power away. You have the power of choice. It’s yours. You only have one life. Treasure it. Appreciate it. Enjoy it. Life is short.
  23. There is nothing wrong with crying. You will experience an amazing release afterwards.
    Make time for exercise.
  24. Eat healthy. I am 37 and have a tummy that your granny (your mom’s mom) has commented on at least twice thus far.
  25. Make an effort to understand human nature. Read and attend courses. It will help you to relate in a healthy way.
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For new dads ...

My wife is due with our second son (at the time of writing). There are many books out there that focus on what to expect as a new parent. I am yet to discover a book that explores the challenges that creep out of the wood-work during the pregnancy for dads. For one, nobody quite prepares new dads for the change in the relationship with their spouses. Nobody told me that my wife would transform into someone else, someone that could love me dearly one moment and then, in a split second, turn on me like a lion attacking its prey. At first I thought this experience was unique to me but after interviewing other, more experienced dads, I realized that this is "normal" and that men, in general, tend to suffer in silence. It appears that my wife's hormonal changes coupled with her physical changes makes her radical mood swings the norm. I must say that it get's better after the first kid. It helps to regularly remind yourself that the situation is temporary :-).
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