Ever caught yourself saboutaging yourself? I recently became aware of my self-saboutage. Sometimes I walk a path for some distance only to be saboutaged. By who? Often, by me. It's really difficult to break this habit. Why the saboutage? What's the pay-off? For me, my saboutage allows me to sustain a particular reality, my comfort-zone, my status quo. My comfort zone may not be an ideal place but it is a place that I know, a "safe" place. The possibility of breaking this pattern is scary because it means that I would be stepping into the unknown and there is a high probability that my vision will take quite a while to adjust. It's like first few seconds after switching off all the lights (at night). From a more optimistic perspective, there is a possibility that the unknown could be a healthier space beaming with a wholesome self-loving energy, an energy that emanates an unconditional acceptance of the whole person, warts and all. An energy that says: "I love you" (as a parent imagine you saying this to your child and recall the feelings that come with it). Could an increase in my awareness of my self-saboutage therefore be a gateway to some place better? Could this be the gift?
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